Borrow My Balance

April 24, 2025

I take an early-morning karate fitness class for grownups at my daughters' dojo. It's a combination of karate-based calisthenics, light sparring with each other and with the bags, and self-defense training. The best part, at least to me because I crave information more than exercise, is that Sensei Matt always keeps up a running commentary about the health, anatomy, physics, and psychology of it all. One morning, he showed us how to use an opponent's stance and momentum to our advantage. "Borrow my balance," he told Pete when they were demonstrating the move and Sensei Matt was playing the bad guy.

Borrow my balance.

In self defense, "borrowing balance" means literally seizing an aggressor's body so you don't fall while being attacked. But, turned around a little, it's a perfect shorthand way to think about how you can help others coping with something destabilizing that life has tossed in their direction.

     Exhausted from a long day at work, honey? Borrow my balance.
     Worried about an upcoming math test? Borrow my balance.
     Waiting for the Advil to kick in? Borrow my balance. 
     Having a tantrum, Princess? Borrow my balance. (Please.)

With kids, of course, it's the grownup who must always be the rock, the one who offers the balance no matter what those small people throw at you. (Fake it 'til you make it, parents.) With friends, spouses, and adult family, it can be more like a trade-off, with each person lending or borrowing, as needed. Over the long haul, if you deposit more in the balance bank than you need to borrow, you'll have plenty to withdraw if you need it, so you'll find your feet more often on the ground than in the air.

—Deb