Grab Your Pen

May 20, 2021

It's all material.

That's the signature phrase that has annoyed my children more than any other of my sayings over the years. Maybe I use it too often, but it's true: Everything can be material for a story you can tell someday.

I first told myself this when the story was actually about material: in this case, a tent. The girls were 6 and 8, and we were camping for the first time with some friends in the Adirondack mountains. (My husband was at a math conference in Toronto, staying at a very civilized hotel.) In the middle of the night, during a storm, I suddenly became hyper-aware of the (imagined, I hope) existence of bears, and that the only thing between them and my girls was a thin film of sopping nylon. Not exactly the stuff of pleasant dreams for a mom.

It's all material, I told myself through gritted teeth as we lay huddled in sleeping bags and blankets trying to stay warm. Assuming the bears don't get us, I'm going to get a ton of mileage out of this story. It will be a lesson about preparedness. About fortitude. About gratitude. Probably also about insanity. And indeed, whenever I'm frustrated these days, I actually do remind myself that at least I'm no longer out in 40-degree midnight rain with two fitfully sleeping little girls and an urgent need to find a bathroom.

Over the years, Madison and Ella have gotten tired of hearing me say "It's all material" whenever life flings trials our way. But each of us is writing the story of our own lives every minute. It's in the telling of these stories both to others and to ourselves that the lessons from our experiences get processed and integrated and can (ideally) prevent future mistakes. I made the camping mistake one more time before concluding that my family should stay firmly in the 21st century. No one argued.

Years down the line, I can say confidently that it's worked, and not just because I'm still getting mileage out of the Adirondacks debacle. It probably is irksome to hear your mother constantly saying "This is going to make the best story someday!" but I think it has helped the girls gain perspective they might not otherwise have had. Even in the middle of life's most difficult moments, remembering you get to write the ending of the story, and that you can make it one you'd be proud to tell, can make all the difference.

We all have a Covid story. We're nearing the end. Grab your pen.

—Deb